Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
