I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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