you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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