it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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