I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
