Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
