I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
