TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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