party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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