there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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