the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
