When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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