how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
