There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
