I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
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