dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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