Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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