Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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