I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
