Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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