Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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