Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
