I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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