K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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