im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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