you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
