My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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