Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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