I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
