I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
