Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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