and next time when you feel me up, do it right
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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