Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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