It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
