Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
