Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
