god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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