he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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