I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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