I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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