toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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