Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
