Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
