i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
