Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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