It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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