Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
