dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
