I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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