This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
