it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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