Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
