Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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