you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
