have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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