If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
